Why Can’t I Relax, Even on Vacation?
You plan the time off.
You finally slow down.
And instead of relaxing, you feel restless, tense, or irritable.
This isn’t a failure to “do rest right.”
It’s a clue.
Rest requires safety
Relaxation isn’t just about time—it’s about permission.
If your system is used to:
Being needed
Being productive
Staying alert
Holding things together
Then stopping can feel unsafe.
Your body might interpret rest as risk:
If I stop paying attention, something will fall apart.
Why busyness feels easier than rest
For many people, staying busy has been a survival strategy.
It keeps uncomfortable feelings at bay.
It provides structure and control.
It creates a sense of purpose.
When that busyness stops, everything underneath has space to surface.
That doesn’t mean rest is bad.
It means your system hasn’t learned how to rest yet.
Common experiences
Feeling more anxious on vacation than at work
Getting sick once you slow down
Needing constant stimulation to feel okay
Feeling guilty for resting
None of this means you’re doing something wrong.
Relearning rest
Learning to relax is often a gradual process.
It involves:
Short, intentional pauses
Letting go of productivity as self-worth
Learning how to settle your body, not just distract your mind
Therapy can help you understand why rest feels hard and how to make it feel safer over time.